CARL KASELL, HOST:
From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell, and here's your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Carl.
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SAGAL: Thanks everybody. Thank you guys so much. We do have a great show for you today. We got comedian and actor David Cross. You may know him from "Arrested Development." He'll be joining us later to play our game.
Now, he has been out on the talk show circuit, promoting his latest movie, "Alvin and the Chipmunks 3: Chipwrecked."
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SAGAL: He's been doing it in an unusual way. He's been saying that making that movie was the most miserable experience of his life.
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SAGAL: It's true. To which we say, so far, David.
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SAGAL: So far. We promise you nothing but good times, though. Give us a call, the number 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!
RACHEL DEACON: Hi, this is Rachel, from Kitty Hawk, North Carolina.
SAGAL: Hey. Kitty Hawk, famed for as the birthplace of flight.
DEACON: Yeah, the people in Ohio don't like that, but we claim it.
SAGAL: I know.
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SAGAL: Whenever I've been to North Carolina, where they have the birthplace of flight, and I've been to Ohio, and it says birthplace of flight. Some...
DEACON: There was a battle over the quarters, too, when they were coming out with the state quarters. Ohio and North Carolina both wanted to claim it.
SAGAL: How are you guys going to settle this?
DEACON: Flip a quarter.
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SAGAL: Well, it's great to have you with us, Rachel. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, say hello to the interim editor of the San Antonio Express News, it's Ms. Kyrie O'Connor.
DEACON: Hi, Kyrie.
KYRIE O'CONNOR: Hi there.
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SAGAL: Next, a comedian here in Chicago and a host at vocolo.org, it's Mr. Brian Babylon.
DEACON: Hi, Brian.
BRIAN BABYLON: Hey, how are you?
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SAGAL: And lastly, a comedienne, performing January 21st at the Blumenthal Performing Arts Center in Charlotte, North Carolina, Paula Poundstone.
DEACON: Hi, Paula.
PAULA POUNDSTONE: Hey, how are you?
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DEACON: I'm good.
SAGAL: Rachel, welcome to the show. You'll start us off, of course, with Who's Carl This Time. Carl Kasell, right there, is going to recreate for you three quotations from the week's news. Your job, of course, explain or identify that two times out of three. Do that: you'll win Carl's voice on your voicemail. Ready to go?
DEACON: I am.
SAGAL: All right. Now, your first quote is a man reading from his list of likes on his match.com profile.
KASELL: I like being able to fire people.
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SAGAL: Well, that man was definitely liked by the people of New Hampshire. Who was it?
DEACON: That was Mitt Romney.
SAGAL: It was Mitt Romney, yes.
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SAGAL: He said that the day before the primary. Governor Romney's opponents had a field day with it. Now, to be fair, though, it was taken out of context. He wasn't talking about how much he enjoys firing people. He was talking about how much he enjoys setting people on fire.
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POUNDSTONE: Why did he say that?
SAGAL: He said that, actually, in the context of talking about health insurance.
DEACON: Yes.
SAGAL: He was talking about how lovely it would be if all of us were in a position to be able to pick from among health insurance companies and fire them if they chose not to service us in the way that we chose.
O'CONNOR: But, see, the problem with that is that yes, he was misunderstood, but the misunderstanding made more sense than what he actually said.
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BABYLON: But what I want to know, I just found out his name is not really Mitt.
SAGAL: That's not his first name.
BABYLON: That's not his first name. He's going by a nickname. You can run for president with nicknames now?
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SAGAL: Yeah.
BABYLON: Well that's crazy. Whatever, so his real name is Willard.
SAGAL: Willard, his real first name is Willard. So he goes by his middle name, which is Mitt.
BABYLON: Or he can go by Mitt-Diddy.
SAGAL: Mitt-Diddy.
BABYLON: Yeah.
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BABYLON: The new nickname.
O'CONNOR: That would be kind of great.
POUNDSTONE: I guess I never thought about what his real name was.
BABYLON: Some people thought it was short for Milton or...
SAGAL: Actually, it turns out that about 2 percent of the American public thought it was short for mittens.
BABYLON: Mittens, yeah.
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SAGAL: It's true.
BABYLON: True.
SAGAL: True.
O'CONNOR: Now, see that would be very sweet. I might vote for him if his name was mittens.
SAGAL: There you go.
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BABYLON: President Mittens?
SAGAL: Yeah.
BABYLON: It makes you think of a kitten president like...
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O'CONNOR: A kitten president?
BABYLON: A kitten president could get anything passed through a Senate and Congress.
POUNDSTONE: Yeah.
SAGAL: Today...
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BABYLON: I guarantee you.
SAGAL: The president's day began with the president playing with a laser pointer.
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SAGAL: This is true. This is a true story. The New York Times talked to a woman in New Hampshire who said she decided to vote for Romney at the last minute because unlike the other Republicans, he supports abortion rights.
Told that he now opposed them, she said, quote, "He does"?
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POUNDSTONE: That's going to be his new slogan.
SAGAL: He does?
POUNDSTONE: He does?
SAGAL: Mitt Romney, he does?
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SAGAL: Rachel, here is your next quote. It's about a certain beloved snack.
KASELL: It's a plastic bag of poison.
SAGAL: That was "Morning Joe" host Mika Brzenzski, as she was talking about one particular American treat that might soon become unavailable. What?
DEACON: The Twinkie.
SAGAL: The Twinkie, yes.
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SAGAL: Here is an economic indicator to finally really scare. The Hostess, the company that makes Twinkies is going bankrupt.
BABYLON: I want my country back.
SAGAL: I know. A company that profits from making people fat cannot stay solvent in America.
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O'CONNOR: Do you remember the pure pleasure of getting a Hostess cupcake, because first you would peel off the little squiggle?
SAGAL: Oh yeah, which came off in one piece, which was weird?
O'CONNOR: Yeah, and then you'd peel off the frosting.
BABYLON: That's how serial killers start. They start with peeling off...
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SAGAL: Oh yeah.
BABYLON: And then, you know what, they're on the news, going crazy, killing people.
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SAGAL: That is a psychological profile, like did you torture your snack cakes? That's an early indicator.
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SAGAL: You know, they might have had another problem. The company lost a lot of money paying those FCC indecency fines every time they ran an ad for products on TV like Ho Hos, Ding Dongs, Snoballs...
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SAGAL: Chocolate frosted...
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SAGAL: You know. Here is your last quote, Rachel.
KASELL: You're a child of a child from Destiny's Child.
SAGAL: That was somebody celebrating the birth of his child with a brand new song. The baby was born to what celebrity parents?
DEACON: Jay Z and Beyonce.
SAGAL: Very well done, Rachel, yes.
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SAGAL: We all remember, of course, a manger was good enough for Jesus, but how many platinum records did Mary have? That's why Blue Ivy Carter, the child of Jay Z and Beyonce was born in a specially renovated private suite in a Manhattan hospital, with security guards and three wise men who brought gold, frankincense, and the Rizza.
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SAGAL: Jay Z released a track, celebrating the birth of his daughter. Carl quoted from it. The song is credited to her as an artist, making her at one-day-old, the youngest person ever to be in the Billboard Top Ten, with the exception, of course, of Justin Beiber.
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SAGAL: This is true. A surprising number of people were posting on Facebook and elsewhere that this baby is, in reality, the spawn of Satan. Here's the logic. Blue Ivy, a strange name, it's actually an acronym. It stands for "Born Living Under Evil, Illuminati's Very Youngest."
POUNDSTONE: I think she's lucky she didn't get name Mitt.
SAGAL: Yeah.
O'CONNOR: Yeah.
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SAGAL: I don't know, great things could have been in store.
POUNDSTONE: Blue Ivy. You got blue ivy, you got agriculture problems, that what you got.
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POUNDSTONE: You got blue ivy, you got to get your gardener in there and cut that out.
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POUNDSTONE: Why didn't you just name her Cud Zoo if you're going to do that.
O'CONNOR: Yeah.
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SAGAL: Anyway, congratulations, Jay Z, you now have 100 problems.
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SAGAL: Carl, how did Rachel do on our quiz?
KASELL: Rachel was perfect, Peter. Rachel, you had three correct answers, so you win our prize.
DEACON: Yay.
SAGAL: Well done.
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POUNDSTONE: Great job.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.