CARL KASELL: From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell, and here's your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Carl.
(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Thank you everybody. We have got a great show for you today. I'm so excited about our guest. Gary Oldman is going to be joining us later. Now, he's actually - this is kind of true - he's one of these actors who's actually too good for his own good. I mean, he's done all these different roles so well you don't always realize it's him.
He was Sirius Black in the Harry Potter movies, Commissioner Gordon in the new Batman series of movies. He's now the spy George Smiley in "Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. He's Margaret Thatcher in "The Iron Lady."
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: An amazing. And in "The Descendants," he's George Clooney.
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: The guy is good. He'll be with us later. You can come as yourself, come as you are. The number is 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!
LORRAINE BERRY: Hi, Peter, this is Lorraine Berry. I'm calling from Brooktondale, New York.
SAGAL: Hey, Lorraine, how are you?
BERRY: I'm great.
SAGAL: Now, where is Brooktondale? I don't know that town.
BERRY: Well, if I could throw a stone that far, I could hit Amy Dickinson's house from here, it's very close to Ithaca.
SAGAL: Are you angry at Amy?
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
FAITH SALIE: Did she give you bad advice?
SAGAL: I was about, I just imagine people hurling rocks at Amy's house saying, "You told me to give him one more chance."
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Lorraine. Let me introduce you to our panel. First up, saying hello to a contributor to "CBS Sunday Morning," and a co-host of the new "RelationShow," debuting on WNYC February 14th, Ms. Faith Salie.
SALIE: Hi, Lorraine.
BERRY: Hi, Faith.
(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Next, it's the man who's setting the internet afire on Esquire's politics blog and then he's a contributor to Grantland, it's Charlie Pierce.
(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)
BERRY: Hi, Charlie.
CHARLIE PIERCE: Hi, Lorraine.
SAGAL: Finally, it's a humorist and the author most recently of "Holidays in Heck," and "Don't Vote: It Just Encourages the Bastards," Mr. PJ O'Rourke.
(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)
BERRY: Hi, PJ.
PJ O'ROURKE: Hi, Lorraine.
SAGAL: Lorraine welcome to our show. You're going to start us off, of course, with Who's Carl This Time. Carl Kasell will recreate for you three quotations from the week's news. Your job of course, explain or identify just two of them. Do that and you'll win our prize. Ready to go?
BERRY: I sure am.
SAGAL: For your first quote, here's a man showing that international grand master level political skill that helped him win a big victory in Florida this week.
KASELL: I'm not concerned about the very poor.
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Who, one more time, said something he's probably going to regret?
BERRY: I'm guessing that was Mitt Romney.
SAGAL: It was.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: It was Mitt Romney, very good. After beating Newt Gingrich like a drum in the Florida primary, Romney's only remaining rival, his only obstacle for the nomination is Mitt Romney.
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: That comment he doesn't care about the very poor came after last month's statement about his enjoyment of firing people. And next week's statement: "When I hear the cries of the hungry and oppressed, I just stuff my ears with money."
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Oh Mitt. His statement he doesn't care for the very poor must have been a shock to the very poor, who until now had every reason to believe he was in their corner.
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: The group Destitute People for Romney was devastated by this statement. They were like "We were so shocked at his callousness, we were out panhandling to put together a donation to his Super PAC, but now we'll just blow it on food."
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
O'ROURKE: I think perhaps you're owed an explanation. All the varsity GOP players got food poisoning...
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
O'ROURKE: .,..in the Republican cafeteria and now we have...
PIERCE: Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, hold it. Chris Christie was in the cafeteria and somebody else got food?
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)
PIERCE: I find that difficult to believe.
SAGAL: You can go home, Charlie, your work is done here now.
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: It does seem to be true that whatever other qualities Mitt Romney may or may not have, he seems to be bad at politics.
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: I mean, which is not good.
PIERCE: And what comes as a surprise is he wasn't bad as politics as governor of Massachusetts. I mean, he's one of these decent Republican skins that we elect, you know, so that Democratic legislators don't steal everything.
O'ROURKE: Because all the Democrats - every now and then, they elected a Republican in Massachusetts because all the Democratic politicians were in jail.
SAGAL: That's true.
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
PIERCE: Or waiting to go there.
SALIE: What I loved about this was when he - how these candidates ran away with he metaphor, right. So he goes back to backtrack and says what I meant was the very poor have a safety net and if there's holes in the safety net, I will correct them.
SAGAL: He will fix them.
SALIE: I will mend them, right.
SAGAL: He will mend them, yeah.
SALIE: And then Newt Gingrich says we don't want a safety net, we want a trampoline for poor people.
SAGAL: Yes.
SALIE: And then I think Ron Paul said we want a trebuchet. And then...
SAGAL: Yeah.
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
SALIE: And then I think Newt Gingrich said we want poor people to be human cannonballs and they will shoot themselves to the moon.
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: When Newt Gingrich said, you know, I don't want a safety net for the poor, I want a trampoline for the poor, Newt actually wants to give the poor a trampoline now. That's his idea.
SALIE: But not health insurance, that's dangerous.
O'ROURKE: He's a bold thinker.
SAGAL: He is, he is.
O'ROURKE: He's a bold thinker.
SAGAL: Well, very good, here is your next quote.
KASELL: There will be no wardrobe malfunction.
SAGAL: That was Madonna, talking about her performance we'll all see where on Sunday?
BERRY: At the Super Bowl.
SAGAL: Yes, the Super Bowl.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: That's great. It is in fact that time of year when muscle-bound young men toss around a tanned piece of leather for the entertainment of millions. But Madonna's halftime show was really only part of the appeal.
SALIE: Ohhhhh.
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: There's a game, there's also the game between those perennial rivals from East Rutherford, New Jersey and Foxborough, Massachusetts. By the way, a special note to our audience. We're talking about an event that'll be happening while you are all watching "Downton Abbey."
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: Is it not true that I have noticed after, you know, not really paying too much attention to sports and football this year, but people seem kind of bored with this game? It's like oh, it's the Patriots and the Giants again, okay.
SALIE: Well, what was exciting was Gisele's email that was leaked, you know, quarterback Tom Brady's wife, the supermodel, sent an email to friends and family, asking them for their prayers.
PIERCE: And great, good thoughts, send good thoughts to Tom.
SALIE: Right, send positive energy to Tommy.
SAGAL: Why is this at all interesting?
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
SALIE: I don't know, it is to me.
PIERCE: I don't know, Peter, any sentence containing the phrase Brazilian supermodel, I find...
SAGAL: That's' true.
PIERCE: It's worth going on with.
SAGAL: I want to get back to "Downton Abbey" for a second because, in fact...
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: No, I do, because one PBS station is actually aggressively counter-programming. They've put on a "Choose Downton" campaign. They're trying to compete with the Super Bowl.
There's going to be a halftime show on "Downton Abbey."
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: It's going to be put on tape delay, though. They had to decide to do that in case one of Lady Mary's co-stars reaches over and pulls off her bodice, bustle, camisole, corset, chemise and petticoat.
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: It will take some time, you see, for that to happen.
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: All right, here, Lorraine, is your last quote.
KASELL: After a few years, you start thinking, "Hey, I haven't seen a raccoon in a while."
SAGAL: Now, that was a biologist named Michael Dorcas. He was talking about something that has been eating all the little mammals in the Everglades. And we found out this week that it's gotten dire. What is this menace?
BERRY: Oh, it's a big old snake, right?
SAGAL: Yes, it is, in fact, the giant Burmese pythons.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
BERRY: Aha.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: So, it turns out that Florida is being overrun by reptilian carnivorous creatures, who are laying waste to everything they see, and also by giant Burmese pythons.
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
O'ROURKE: It's made Occupy the Everglades a lot more interesting.
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: It has. A study published this week shows that the population of pythons in the Everglades, which started as a single pair of pythons. They arrived in Florida in the sixties, after retiring from their linoleum business in New Jersey.
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Raccoon and possum populations in the Everglades are down 99 percent and all the rabbits, all of them seem to be gone.
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Of course, this being Florida, the older pythons eat their rabbits at 5 p.m. to get the discount.
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: This is true, though, this is true. Congress tried to pass a law forbidding the import or transportation of any more giant bunny-eating Burmese pythons. But House Republicans shot the bill down. They said it would hurt the pet business. That's right, giant Burmese pythons are not monstrous carnivorous reptiles who decimate the landscape, they're job creators.
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
O'ROURKE: Well, what'd you think Goldman Sachs kept around the office?
SAGAL: I know.
(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)
O'ROURKE: Little bunny rabbits? I don't think so, no.
PIERCE: Only for food.
SAGAL: Carl, how did Lorraine do on our quiz?
KASELL: Lorraine, you had three correct answers. Congratulations, you're a winner.
SAGAL: Well done, Lorraine.
(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)
BERRY: Thanks for having me.
SAGAL: Bye-bye.
BERRY: Bye-bye.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.