PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?
BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: Tom and Brian each have two. Ophira has four.
SAGAL: Whoa.
(APPLAUSE)
OPHIRA EISENBERG, BYLINE: Whoa.
SAGAL: Ophira, not bad for a rookie. We've flipped a coin. Tom's elected to go first. Here you go. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. This week, al-Qaida-linked Sunni insurgents took control of two cities in blank.
TOM BODETT: Iraq.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: After being exchanged for five Taliban commanders last week, blank began his journey back to the U.S. on Thursday.
BODETT: Bowe Bergdahl.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: To celebrate his 90 birthday this week, former president blank jumped out of a plane.
BODETT: H.W. Bush.
SAGAL: Indeed.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: On Tuesday, a judge in California struck down rules regulating tenure for blanks in that state.
BODETT: School teachers.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: A man in Australia was arrested on DUI charges after he was pulled over for blanking.
BODETT: Trying to talk to his dog on Skype.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: No. He was arrested for driving a motorized cooler under the influence. Best known for her work in "A Raisin In The Sun" and "Do The Right Thing," actress and activist blank passed away at 91 on Thursday.
BODETT: Ruby Dee.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, Santa Clara University is offering to pay $6,000 for a part-time professor, and they only required that applicants have blank.
BODETT: Applicants have graduated from high school.
SAGAL: No. They require that applicants for the $6,000 part-time job have published 25 books, founded two or more startups, hosted television shows for PBS cable-television and ABC and written e-books about water conservation.
BODETT: I kind of went the other direction with that answer.
SAGAL: Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Potential applicants must also be able to spin straw into gold, lift more than 60 pounds over their head and have a basic understanding of Microsoft Office.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, how did Tom do on our our quiz?
KURTIS: Tom got five right for 10 more points. Tom now has 12 points and the lead.
SAGAL: All right.
(APPLAUSE)
BODETT: That won't last.
SAGAL: Brian, you are up next. Fill in this blank. The unrest in Iraq has caused blank prices to jump to eight-month highs.
BRIAN BABYLON: Oil.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: According to a new report, blank crime cost the global economy over $400 billion a year.
BABYLON: Cyber.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Recently elected President Petro Poroshenko has promised to meet with the pro-Russian rebels in blank.
BABYLON: Ukraine.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: In Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, only minor injuries reported when a deck collapsed after 25 people stood on it in order to blank.
BABYLON: Twerk.
SAGAL: No.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: They stood on the deck to try to take selfies with a rainbow. The truck driver charged in the incident that left comedian blank in critical condition has pleaded not guilty.
BABYLON: Tracy Morgan.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: A teenager in Washington was not injured after she fell down a cliff while blanking.
(LAUGHTER)
BABYLON: Skyping.
SAGAL: No. So close. She fell down the cliff while talking on her cell phone to her mom telling her about how scary it would be to fall down a cliff.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: The woman, who's fine, had just told her mom how nervous she was about falling down a mountain when she slipped and fell 30 feet down the cliff face. Fortunately, rescuers were able to pull her out about an hour later. And James Franco has already agreed to portray her in the film version...
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: ...Of this incident titled 127 Anytime Minutes.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, how did Brian do on our quiz?
KURTIS: Brian got four right for eight more points giving him a total of 10 points. But Tom still has the lead at 12.
SAGAL: All right how many then does Ophira Eisenberg need to take this thing?
KURTIS: She needs four to tie, five to win.
SAGAL: Fill in the blank, Ophira. This is for the game. On Wednesday, the Senate overwhelmingly passed a bill to help blanks get faster medical care.
EISENBERG: Veterans.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Following attacks at the Karachi International Airport, the U.S. has resumed blank strikes in Pakistan.
EISENBERG: Drone.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: This week, Senator Ted Cruz formally renounced his blank citizenship.
EISENBERG: Canadian.
SAGAL: Yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: The mayor of San Marino, California has apologized for blanking while on a walk with his wife.
(LAUGHTER)
EISENBERG: I'm going to say struggling with his jacket.
SAGAL: No.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: He's apologized for throwing a bag of dog poop ontp someone's yard. Following a loss in the Belmont stakes, California Chrome failed to achieve a blank win.
EISENBERG: A triple crown.
SAGAL: Right.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: "A Gentleman's Guide To Love And Murder" won best musical at this year's blank awards.
EISENBERG: The Tony's.
SAGAL: The Tony's.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: When a high school in Arizona discovered its yearbooks contained offensive quotes from graduating students, instead of reprinting the yearbooks they blanked.
EISENBERG: (Laughing) They lit them all on fire and danced on them.
SAGAL: No. No. They covered all the offensive quotes with duct tape.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: The school claims that censoring the yearbooks with duct tape was more cost-effective than reprinting them and would also protect the books internal HVAC systems. They also said it was the fastest way to remove any offensive material, and they were certain, having educated these kids themselves, no way would they be smart enough to figure out you can pull off duct tape.
(LAUGHTER)
SAGAL: Bill, did Ophira Eisenberg do well enough to win?
KURTIS: Well, she got five right for 10 more points. So with 14, she is the champion this week. Whoa.
(APPLAUSE)
SAGAL: So dramatic. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists, now that Hillary Clinton's "Hard Choices" is out, who will be the next person to write a huge book nobody wants to read? But first, let me tell you that support for NPR comes from NPR stations. And Progressive Insurance with insurance for cars, boats, motorcycles, RVs and commercial vehicles. At 1-800-PROGRESSIVE and progressive.com. Angie's List, connecting consumers with user-reviewed contractors, an online marketplace and concierge support for home improvements services, angieslist.com. Fifth Generation Incorporated maker of Tito's Handmade Vodka, American-made and gluten-free. Recipes at titosvodka.com. And Gevalia, over 150 years of Swedish expertise dedicated to the art of coffee making. Gevalia, rich, never bitter. WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.