Content warning: This story contains descriptions of suicide.
Five days before his Dec. 2 federal trial, Roger Lee Golubski, a retired Kansas City, Kansas, police detective facing potential prison time, wrote four letters.
Two were addressed to his 41-year-old son, Matthew. The first, labeled “Plans-Do List,” outlined Golubski’s funeral arrangements, where he was to be buried and what he should be wearing, along with property and financial concerns. In the second letter, Golubski, 71, told his son what it was like to be his father, that he loved him, and to “stay strong.”
The third letter was addressed to Lorene Stewart, his roommate at his Edwardsville home. Golubski expressed his love for Stewart, 60, a former romantic partner, and his gratitude for taking care of him. The fourth letter contained a copy of his last U.S. Pretrial Supervision report, required for his home detention, and meant for a pretrial services officer.
By Nov. 29, the day after Thanksgiving, Golubski added to the stack of letters, writing to Edwardsville Police Chief Rance Quinn. He congratulated him on becoming chief last June, explained his health woes, along with his legal plight, and said the weapon was “undetectable.”
Golubski’s last days, examined in a heavily redacted 253-page Kansas Bureau of Investigation probe obtained by KCUR, offer details of a depressed former cop who was filled with fear about his high-profile trial on federal charges of kidnapping, rape and sexual assault. Golubski pleaded not guilty but faced life in prison if convicted. He also faced a later, second case on charges he protected a drug dealer’s sex trafficking operation of minor girls.
The revelation stands in stark contrast to reports of Golubski's 35-year police career, during which his Black victims said he ruled the north Kansas City, Kansas, streets through violence, rape and false imprisonment. Golubski was captain of the homicide division when he retired in 2010.
Right up until he shot himself on Dec. 2 just after 9 a.m. — the very hour his trial was to begin — Golubski was expressing dread. He had talked about taking his own life since he was arrested by the FBI, in September 2022, which is when Stewart heard it.
“I can’t go to jail,” Stewart remembered Golubski saying, “I’ll just eat my gun.”
Golubski’s son had removed his guns
On Dec. 2, Stewart got up at 6 a.m. to help Golubski get ready for his first day of trial, set at the Topeka federal courthouse, and they watched TV in the living room for a while. At 7 a.m., a despondent Golubski had a short conversation on the phone with Matthew, telling his son that he “was not strong enough to do this.” Matthew tried to “talk him off the ledge,” and told him he loved him.
Although Stewart had sometimes accompanied Golubski to court during the two years he was out on home arrest, he wouldn’t allow her to go on Dec. 2 because protesters were expected and he didn’t want her to see that. As Stewart helped with Golubski’s tie, he told her how much he dreaded the trial and that he left letters for her and others.
Golubski left for Topeka at 8:30 a.m. in his 2011 red Ford Taurus, where his police badges were still stashed in the center console. He took the same route he often drove to his attorney’s office in Lawrence, down Ninth Street to Edwardsville Drive, where it turned into South 110th Street before he’d get on Interstate 70. But he didn’t even make it to the interstate on Dec. 2, according to the tracker he had to wear around his ankle. He hit a roundabout and headed home.
Meanwhile, as prosecutors, court staff and reporters gathered in a courtroom prepared for a large jury pool, Golubski traded calls with his attorney, Chris Joseph. Joseph’s first call that morning was at 8:19 a.m. Five calls later, Joseph reached Golubski at 8:49 a.m. and the conversation lasted under a minute. Golubski called Joseph again at 9:01 a.m., when U.S. District Judge Toby Crouse was already asking if jury selection could begin, and talked to his attorney for nearly three minutes. Joseph’s assistant placed four more missed calls, the last at 9:05 a.m.
Stewart had gone back to bed in her basement room after Golubski left and was asleep until she heard a “large boom” coming from the back of the house. She ran upstairs and found Golubski sitting on the back deck, facing the house and slumped over, with blood coming from his head. She called 911 at 9:05 a.m.
“During the call she identified Roger Golubski as having shot himself in the head on the back deck and stated he was bleeding to death,” the report said.
When first responders arrived, Golubski was still breathing and they tried lifesaving measures. An Edwardsville police corporal got to the scene and found Golubski with a gunshot wound to the right temple and a black firearm in his right hand. The police officer removed the gun and placed it on a nearby chair. Golubski was pronounced dead at 9:18 a.m.
Stewart called Matthew, who was outside the home when Edwardsville police talked to him, telling them he wasn’t aware that his father had any firearms. When Golubski was arrested and was barred from having weapons in his home under the pretrial home detention agreement, Matthew took all of them. Asked if there was foul play involved, Matthew said no.
“Matthew believed this was a suicide,” the report said. “Matthew said that Roger was depressed and the pressure of the allegations against him were great.”
Among the multitude of law enforcement who responded to Golubski's home that morning was Wyandotte County District Attorney Mark Dupree, who asked to see the scene on the back porch and was escorted back there.
’Really good friend’ thought he would win case
Stewart didn’t know about the gun, either, and told officers she had no idea where he would have stashed it because his pretrial services officer routinely checked the house, the last time in November.
In an emotional interview with agents, Stewart cried as she told them how she found Golubski and couldn’t save him because there was “so much blood.” She told them she met Golubski in 1991 and they were in a relationship for a time, but she was now a “really good friend.” Five years ago, when Golubski had heart surgery, she moved back to Kansas City, Kansas, from Mississippi to care for him.
Still, she was angry, saying she was hurt that he killed himself, especially with her in the home and especially this close to the end of the case. She believed Golubski would win because his lawyer, Joseph, told her they would, and she was eager for Joseph to cross-examine the women who accused Golubski of sexual abuse.
“He had no regard for anybody but himself, that’s so selfish,” she said.
Golubski’s gun was a Smith & Wesson .380-caliber Shield EZ pistol, traced back to a Kansas City, Missouri, woman who bought it in May 2021 from a North Kansas City dealer. But it was stolen from her car in 2022, the 41-year-old woman told agents, and she had no connection to Golubski. No good fingerprints were found on the gun, which had Golubski’s blood on it.
The final autopsy on Jan. 13 found Golubski, at 5-foot-5 and 230 pounds, obese and with an enlarged heart. The gun shot wound through his brain and the bullet didn’t exit. He was dressed for his court appearance in a blue jacket, blue shirt, black pants and shoes. His tracking monitor was still attached to his right ankle.
“The deceased had a reported history of suicidal ideation and was found with a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head,” the autopsy said.
KBI closed the case on Jan. 29.
“There was no other evidence uncovered that would indicate Golubski’s death as anything but a suicide,” the report said.
If you or someone you know is struggling with anxiety, depression or suicidal ideation, call or text the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988.
